my secret to life.

I saw this photo on Pinterest the other day and it really resonated with me. 
I've always struggled with anxiety.
And back in August I felt like something else was wrong. 
I hated going to the grocery store.
I dreaded being alone.
I wouldn't be excited about things, that I would normally be looking forward to. 
Even on my birthday, after Zak went all out with surprises and gifts, 
I just wasn't feeling happy.
It was a terrible feeling. 
Well fast forward a couple weeks.
I talked with Zak about how I was feeling and I was tip-toeing around the "d word."
I just kept saying I don't feel happy..
and it's more than anxiety. 
Well the medical student he is, 
he started checking some of the side affects of the medication I was taking-
and it turns out depression is one.
So I stopped taking it.
And things got better.
Much better.
However, during that time I was searching for things to make me feel better.
And I didn't want to admit to my feelings so I would search for remedies. 
I read that going outside, and getting some fresh air helps.
It sounds silly, I know. 
But each morning starting in August Romie and I would wake up,
and head out the door for a nice long walk. 
And during that time I would pray.
It's about a 20 minute walk, and I would use it to worship.
And everyday it started becoming our routine. 
We'd wake up, go for our walk and I'd pray my heart out.
And after days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and summer ended we continued to go for our walks and I would pray. 
And even after the depression went away, 
we would do our morning "prayer walk'
as I would call it. 
Those walks were essential to me. 
I believe that prayer is more powerful than statistics. 
That miracles do happen.
And when I give my worries to God, it brings me peace, and truly puts me in a mindset that gets me ready for the day. 
I've never talked about this on the blog,
but after I saw that picture I thought I needed to. 
It started as just walking my dog as a hopeful remedy to get me out of a rut, 
and has turned into a life necessity for me. 
And let me be clear, it did not cure my depression.
At all. 
I would still be depressed if I was taking that medication,
no matter how much I prayed.
But it did help me in other ways. 
Many many other ways.
Before this I would pray each day,
but this was just something I think I needed.
A time without distraction, a time to breath in the fresh air,
and start my day right. 
So anywho, a couple things I want to get out of the post.

A. Never ever be ashamed or embarrassed of the way you're feeling. You're not alone. It happens to lots of people. And it might be completely out of your hands. I would still be feeling this way if I hadn't said something to Zak and stopped taking the medication. Talk with someone if you are feeling down. Heck, and if you don't feel like you have anyone- you got me!
B. This is my secret to a great life. I pray my heart out. But honestly, it's no secret- many people believe this. I just wanted to share my story with you.
C. Anxiety sucks. But praying helps me get those nasty thoughts and feelings out of my head. 

So there you have it!
I hope if anything, someone reads this and doesn't feel alone. 
Depression shouldn't be tip-toed around. It sucks, it's real and it happens to lots of people,
including myself. 
I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day!


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